wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
