dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
