ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
