its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
