so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
