To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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