it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
