i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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