sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
