I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
