Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
