oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
