I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize