WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
