I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
its liver damage thursday
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
