I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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