i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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