I hope mine doesn't look like that
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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