I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
