omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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