We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
