Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
