I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
