so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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