apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
