weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
