so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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