I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
