it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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