Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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