Ketchup is God's man juice
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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