My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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