Only a mothe r could love this liver
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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