Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
