Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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