I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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