I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
