You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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