I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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