I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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