WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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