Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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