You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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