Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We got so high we made milksteak
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
