Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
