sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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