Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
