FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
