there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Drunk is not a location!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
