Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it was like eating out sand paper
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
