You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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