you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
