This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
