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I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
