I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
