I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
