when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize