he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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