Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
