I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
