Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
