Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
