i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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