Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
