But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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