Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
