I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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