The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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