it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
