I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
