he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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